I am just not happy here. It's so frustrating being in one place and wanting so much to be in another and knowing you can't be there. Yes, I have next year and planning a road trip with Catherine to look forward to and keep me occupied, but it's just hard not being able to attain what it is I want out of life.
I enjoy my job, but it's frustrating. I love my family, but they're frustrating. I don't feel like this is my home anymore. New York is home to me, and it just seems unfair sometimes that you can't be where you want and need to be. I understand that they don't want too many immigrants and the like, but I think it should be considered different when you're so much in love with a place that it makes you unhappy to be anywhere else. I think the fact that I go back every year that the place means a lot, and if there was some way to prove how much it means to me then I would if it meant that I could stay.
I have never felt such immediate understanding with another human as I did with Bobby, the guy who tattooed me, when he saw the scars on my arm and asked what had happened to me. I said 'I happened to me; life's just shit sometimes you know', and he replied with 'yeah, that's why I tattoo myself'. It's funny, but it is the little things.
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